HIJACKED.

This blog is currently being hijacked. Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt. Everyone just stay calm.

Miss Elle is currently being held against her will. If she's lucky, I might let her *and her blog* go.

*evil laugh goes here*

TODAY, THE NOBLE AND THE NONSENSE! TOMORROW, THE WORLD!

*insert evil music here with matching evil laugh in the background here*



JUST KIDDING.

I apologize for the uber cheesy post. I couldn't help it! Hehe. :) Hi guys, I'm Kimmie; the blogger behind Blasphemous Epiphanies. Miss Elle has decided to join the Peace Corps and save the world from hunger, so she can't come to the computer right now. For the meantime, I'll be taking down messages for her and will be "guest" blogger.

This is insanely HUGE shoes to fill since we all know how great of a writer she was, so I hope you guys bear with me.

We're going to have so much fun! YEY!

My Brain Needs Some Scanning?

~~~ August 30, 2008 Diary Entry of The Noble and The Nonsense, herself, Miss Elle ~~~

How do I say this?

Oh well. Here it goes. Ben has a girlfriend. Actually. Gahd. How can he be so0o stupid? How can I be soo so0o... anyway.

Never mind. Just get over it. But he is such an effin' jerk who for the love of Pete Jose Toto should never ever show his face again or else I'd wring his... OMG. "What happened to your face?" I asked my sister who just got out of her room looking like someone who'd undergone a Botox treatment and Lip Enhancement that went totally wrong.

"Hone has." Just when did she learn to speak whatever that language is? Well it would be difficult to type here how she said it but it was totally like my BFF Kimmie's situation recently. Only that my sister was being attacked, this time severely, by her allergy. I wish I could say that she's got swollen lips but no... it was her entire face! Poor her.

Anyh0o, she asked for a favor - to buy her an antihistamine and I was like, "Sure. But i would never ever ever buy Benadryl!"

"Waah?" That's all she could manage to say, which I could assume as an expression of confusion. I couldn't tell by her facial reaction. Sadly.

So I went to the mall with Big Sister's task. I love the mall especially when I'm feeling down. Why am I feeling down again? Oh. That stupid jerk. Ben. Ugh! Gahd! I swear... I totally swear... that spag top certainly looks fab! I went in to have a fit and yeah, ended up buying it. Maybe I could wear this on Mina's birthday. Or THE day when I hand the .45 gun to my "other" BFF bloggista and watch him shoot... Sale on National Bookstore!!!

Oh boy, do I feel good! I went home feeling a lot better with a new silk bronze spag top and 11 books with me including my very first book of Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore).

Until I saw my sister's swollen face looking at me as if I have with me the cure for AIDS. Ohmigahdohmigahd. Ohmigahd.

Did I just forget to buy her Claritin? Why for the love of Toto did I forget the very reason I had to go to the mall?!? Why? *sigh*

Riding in Car with Boys

Since my Adorable nephew didn't get a turtle and we he has grown tired waiting for him to wake up and become a chipmunk, he finally expressed his yearning for something that is feasible - a pug. For weeks now, we have been roaming around the city at night going to the indicated addresses of sellers to find the perfect female pug.

We were in a commotion inside the car last night due to conflicting taste of music of these two "grown-up" boys with us. Shawn (older) likes something alternative while Sean (adorably annoying) loves RnB. So the final decision was on my sister (their mom) and she intentionally picked those tracks sung by female popstars because mind you, these boys are into that "Ewww. That's for girls..." phase.

Christina Aguilera's Come on Over track and Sean was already fuming beside me. I ignored him. I hate tantrums unless it's me throwing them. LOL.

Silence.

Fighter by Christina Aguilera again. I hope you're familar with the song though. Because obviously it isn't a love song. It's more of an expressed anger or outrage of someone betrayed and I actually loved the way Christina Aguilera sang it. So powerful and so...

Sean suddenly put his head on my shoulder.

ME: Are you sleepy?

Sean: No. The song... I don't like it.

I was just silent.

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Sean: I feel like crying.

ME: Why?

Sean: The song... *rubs his eyes* It reminds me of Rufus...

*Rufus is one of the seven puppies of our shih tzu here and his most favorite one but unfortunately it was bought last week.*

ME: Well we're having a pug. Choose a name now if I were you so then we'll know what to call her once she hops here in with us.

Sean: I have already thought of that. SNOW WHITE.

ME: Snow White? Is this her name for tonight? I bet that by tomorrow she'll be Fiona or Bea (his crush) again.

Sean: NO. It'll always be her name. SNOW WHITE. Promise!

Well. Owwwkaaay... Say hello to Snow White.

On The Verge of Collapse and...Take Benadryl?

~~~ August 10, 2008 Diary Entry of The Noble and The Nonsense, herself, Miss Elle ~~~

I woke up at 2:13AM and couldn't get back to sleep. So what else do I do when there's nothing else to do? Blog hopping! At 6:00AM, my mobile was beeping. A reminder - PRC sked! Ohmiholycow. I couldn't move because my world was on vertigo of madness. I felt sick.

But I had to move my ass and go to PRC so I could apply for my Professional License. I got there by 10:23AM and sadly, I forgot about breakfast. The line was oh so0o totally effin' endless. And the heat... my gawd! Effin' tewwible.

The hottest box office there was the Cashier's booth. WOW. Just effin' wow. At 11:47, I was already 5th in line ---> 4th ---> 3rd ---> STUPID LUNCHBREAK. $#%$%!!!!!

Lack of sleep. Prolonged standing. Tummy on an turmoil. Dehydrated. I felt I was going to collapse. But then I didn't mind. Like hello, I was surrounded by doctors, nurses, and soon-to-be-nurses. Just imagine if they found me in a state like this:

But hey. I have Maxx Red candies. My lifesavers for the day!

1:50PM. Finally. My last stop - the signing churva. Then I saw a somewhat familiar guy who waved and approached me. We aren't really close but let's say I was one of the people who searched his name and was happy he's one of those who passed. Because he was a self-confessed suicidal - left by his girlfriend of 8 years for another man a week before the Board Exam. Howwible! Let's just say we have a common friend who's such a big mouth for everyone in the group to know the tragic story. I must say he looked better than when I last saw him two months ago.

In summary. The line was long that it really gave the time for me to know more about him. He dropped me home because he knew where I lived. That was probably because he was staring at the form I was filling up while waiting for me. Cheater! LOL. He actually invited me for a coffee but...

ME: Oh. But i really am tired... holistically. Sorry...

Him: No. It's okay... You really are weird, like you really have a hard time sleeping?

ME: Like yeah.

Him: Well... you know... during THAT time... I couldn't sleep too. But I found the secret... *cute laugh while driving*

ME: Secret? Oh... don't tell me... valium? lorazepam?

Him: No. BENADRYL. Try it. Really! I'm serious.

LOL. It truly made me laugh especially with the confused look on his face.

ME: It's nothing. Reminded me of something.

Well. You all know I was reminded of Ben. Who in the effin' hell is Ben anyway?!? Ben is that guy who stood me up. Ben is an Elle Word taken from the word Benadryl. From now on, we'll call him Ben. Officially. I wanted to tell him the story how I got stood up because of that effin' Benadryl but I changed my mind. According to Ben who sounded "apologetic" in his text last week, he got beaten up by your comments guys. Yes, he actually reads used to read my blog.

The Birthday Wish I Never Wished For

~~~ August 1, 2008 Diary Entry of The Noble and The Nonsense, herself, Miss Elle ~~~

No. It's not my birthday. But this is the most-awaited day for my Adorable Nephew (the younger one) who, by the way, has been annoying us with the gift he wants for the last 3 months.

Past Wish History. 2005 - he wanted lovebirds. Granted. Died. 2006 - he asked for hamsters. Granted. Died. Those hamsters he wanted so badly, which lived for 3 weeks with different names everyday, traumatized him. Why? Because one bit him off that he shouted so loud everyone thought he was suffering from massive hemorrhage.

"He... that... that... hamster bit me. I'm gonna kill Bo... Chl... that hamster! I'm gonna kill that hamster."

See? He couldn't say the hamster's name because he didn't know what its name was on that day!

2006 - Yes. That same year. Since he wasn't happy with the hamsters, he asked for a dog. Granted. And yes, still very alive, playful and loving mommy to seven now. 2007 - he wanted a bear. Really. Now where in the heck will we get that? Papa, wise that he is, suggested to buy not just one but 5 Teddy Bears.

Present Wish.

Adorable: I WANT A TURTLE.

Sis: We can't have one. How will you take care of it?

Adorable: Tita is here!

Me again, the heroin... o0ps. Take two - the heroine to defend and uphold his crazy pleas and principles.

Adorable: She took care of the three turtles in Samar.

Me: I did not!

Sis: She did not raise those turtles. They were even older than your Tita!

Birthday Birthday Burpday!

Me: Blow the candle. Make a wish.

While everyone was busy eating, I asked, "What did you wish for?"

Adorable: Promise it's our secret.

Me: A turtle?

Adorable: No. *eats cake* I want... mmm... chmunk.

Me: Why would you want a chipmunk???

Adorable: I don't want a chipmunk! I want TO BE A chipmunk.

He said that again with that rather annoying conviction - with his hands moving like he's on a debate or speech - as if the world would a better place to live in if we're all chipmunks.

My secret birthday wish when I was a kid was to be in a mall, a kingdom of toys to be specific, then something would happen (wasn't able to figure out what) that would make everyone running for their lives. Then I can be like a superkid who manages to go home without a bruise or anything and with me are huge carts filled with toys. Oh yeah, just like wearing an invisibility cloak, no one noticed.  Wouldn't that be an adventure? Crazy I know. Like I did have the option to just close my eyes and wish to wake up in a house with all the toys I wanted. But because I am Noble and Nonsense, I had to concoct an adventure - so0o out of this world and life-threatening quest. LOL. 

What was your secret birthday wish when you were a kid?

How Can I Dump Him When He Stood Me Up?

Yes. So0o true! My date didn't show up. But instead of wasting both my time and energy to anger and resentment, I just went to my friend's place, watched DVD and yes, you're right, with martini!

Anyhoo, to the guy-who's-supposed-to-be-my-date-last-Saturday-but-didn't-show-up, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. At least you inspired me to write this noble and yet so nonsense poem. LOL. I just hope you enjoy reading in the same way I enjoyed writing this. Hehehe.  

Can you suggest a title? Hehehe. The title of this post, by the way, is for the sake of fun fun fun. Well, that's what I'm known for --- The Noble and The Nonsense :p

I received a text message last Friday night
It was from someone whom I have a silly childish crush
Suddenly I got stupid that I couldn't tell if my tee was black or white
And my cheeks were more red than my Nars Orgasm blush

He asked me if I could have lunch with him the next day
Then watch the movie Clone Wars
Sleeping early was hard so I took a shot of Chardonnay
And deprived myself from serotonin-rich chocolate bars

I woke up the next morning and hurried myself towards the door
Asked yaya of a certain pair of skinny jeans I couldn't find
I stepped on a toy car and slipped landing flat on the floor
Seeing stars over me I realized that love indeed is literally blind

It was already 2:00pm and still no sign of him
Uncertain whether I should be worried or angry
After 50 years, he said he fell asleep because of the Benadryl, which is an antihistamine
I guess it's another gentle way of saying he's allergic to me

*someone is smiling while reading this* LOL